HOMELESS

Over the years my support network dwindled, and I eventually found myself with nowhere to turn, and began living in a tent.

My lowest point was being knocked off my bicycle while travelling to a temporary labouring job, and suffering a broken arm- though it was by no means the only difficult period I lived through. That tent that was intolerably hot and sweaty when the weather was good, and permanently wet when it rained. With a broken arm and a massive heroin addiction added to that, I can easily say that was the lowest ebb of my life, and my health was deteriorating.

A KIND STRANGER

It was then that a chance encounter with an incredibly kind woman started a revolution in my life which would ultimately lead to where I am now.

She befriended me, gave me a home and work For this I will be eternally grateful.I’m absolutely certain that I would not be alive now if she had not helped me. Her trust and support, along with the stability of a roof over my head gave me the springboard from which my recovery started. All that is it positive in my life now was made possible then.

TAKING CONTROL

I engaged with drug and alcohol services, and started taking a heroin replacement drug called Subutex. They provided me with an amazing key worker, who patiently helped me to make the transition onto the drug and with whom I’m still in contact with to this day.  It gives me great pride for her to see all the progress I’ve made in theyears since we met. I can’t say enough good things about Subutex. It has none of the drowsiness associated with heroin, but stops you feeling ill. It also stops heroin from having any effect on you when you take it, which makes abstinence far easier. So, for the first time in a decade my mind was clear and life was brought into sharp focus, released from the permanent fixation on the ‘next hit’.

I then rapidly reduced my dose until one day…. I stopped.

SWEATING IT OUT

I’m not going to lie.  The withdrawals are terrible.

As bad experiences go, it’s right up there with the worst. It’s a maddening agony made much, much worse by the knowledge it can end if you score. I don’t know how common this is, but I became quite delirious, which was actually a blessing. Forgetting who or where I was released me from the endless aching, shivering sleeplessness. I didn’t sleep for more than 15 minutes at a time for days and days, and still to this day am a very light sleeper.

On the plus side, going through that was one hell of a motivation to stay clean!

LIFE AFTER HEROIN

It was as if I had had my senses and emotions on ‘mute’ for a decade, and then having the volume turned up to eleven. It’s a lot to process. An emotional roller coaster which, if I’m frank, I still climb onto occasionally.

I came very close to relapsing after being offered heroin soon after my recovery. Honestly, I would have done it if I had the money in my pocket when offered, so I moved to the other end of the country to get as far away from where heroin was intrinsically part of my world and was far too easy to obtain. If I had stayed, I would have relapsed.  It’s that simple.  Here, I quickly took to drink as a replacement, which is common with other ex addicts. I spent the next year drunk, more or less.

STARTING AGAIN

My recovery really got started when I began jogging.The positive effect that exercise had on my confidence was immense and it remains an important focus for my energies now.  It keeps old and ingrained habits from creeping back in. I moved back down south and began my new life as a ‘clean’ man.  It was tough. There was a lot to learn about coping in the world. But the years since have been without question the best of my life. I now am a keen runner and recently completed my first marathon.I also spend as much time as I can scrambling in the mountains of Snowdonia, a place which I love dearly.

I became vegan and volunteered at a local vegan arts cafe where I met my wife,  who has made me happier than I thought possible. As time has gone on and I have grown stronger; I have grown to believe that life is there for the taking.

I plan on grabbing it with both hands.

That’s why I’m planning to walk solo and unsupported to the South Pole, becoming the first recovered addict to ever do so. I want to squeeze every last bit of life from every moment that is available to me.  I want to show those struggling with addiction that there is hope. That there is life after addiction, and that nothing is impossible. I used to believe that life’s doors had been closed to me. That I’d made my mistakes and would have to live with them. I now know that there is nothing that can’t be done, And I’m going to prove it so that others can believe too.

  If I can do it, anyone can. 

Getting clean

It’s worth the struggle.